02 Farmland Mumble – “Come Home”
It has been about two months since I moved to the farm. I usually prefer not to drive at night because of the wildlife in this area. But for the first time, I felt a strong desire to return home even in the dark.
What did it feel like to return home in the dark? The scenery was very different from the daytime. I could see the road, but not too far ahead. The headlights from oncoming cars were so bright that there were moments when I couldn’t see the road at all. I had to watch out for potholes and wild animals. The closer I got to home, the darker and quieter the surroundings became. I realized I was driving through the forest alone and felt a bit scared for a moment. But I knew I was heading in the right direction because “I wanted to come home”.
As a teenager, I didn’t want to go home. I unconsciously found ways to avoid it. There was nothing at home for me to return to. I couldn’t “fix” the broken marriage no matter how hard I tried. As an adult, the home I tried so hard to “fix” became the most unsafe place. There was nothing I could do more when a person chose violence over other available options.
After reflecting on these experiences, I found my definition of home. A home should have peace, acceptance, consistency, and inspiration. A home should be built, not fixed.
Fixing implies something is broken and I am responsible for repairing it. Building involves understanding what is already there and adding to it to make it better. Fixing validates my ability when I shouldn’t need validation. Building empowers my ability as I continue to strengthen what I already have.
Using the right language in communication can make a huge difference in the outcome. Fixing implies that you are not good enough, so you need to be fixed. Building means you are good enough, and we continue to grow more.
Despite being rustic and rundown, the farmland doesn’t need to be fixed but be built.
It is already a perfect place that offers peace, acceptance, consistency, and inspiration.
Aug 2024
