01 The Invitation of Life

For most of my life, I was chasing love: a united family’s love, a mother’s unconditional love, classmates’ supportive love, a brother’s unbreakable love, friends’ empathetic love, a partner’s respectful love. I wanted them so badly because I felt so alone, unseen, and unheard in my existence. I was miserable.

Now, at 37, on a deep healing journey after domestic abuse, I realize that among all the love I chased, the love I truly needed was self-love. It’s the love I learned through the pain of surviving and becoming a whole person.

Self-love is not selfish. It is an invitation of life, a confirmation of my existence. It is the understanding of being human. It is the love that can overflow to support both myself and others. It is being true to myself without judgment. It is a stepping stone to the unconditional love.

I used to feel lonely all the time, but now I know I was never alone. I have been surrounded by all living beings—from plants to animals, the people I buy food from, the neighbors with whom I share common space, and the pedestrians I pass by.

We are never alone. We are always offered opportunities to connect with others, as we all share vulnerability, suffering, and the emotions of being alive. We all need love and care regardless.

I have decided not to chase love anymore because I have found love within me.

Aug 2024